Anekdoter/ anecdotes

Short stories from the past or present.

On the subject of loss

There are many losses in the world and to me it seems that the socially acceptable loss to grief are when a friend or a family member dies. For a certain time people can put up with the mourning process, but in my experience the process takes much longer. Loosing a pet is also very painful, but you’ll only get sympathy and understanding from those who know. To others it’s “just a pet”, when in fact it’s been your best friend for so many years.

But for loosing a dream, which could be just as painful as the above, you’ll get little sympathy. A clap on your shoulder at it’s best and some comforting words. However, the mourning process is just the same. But this time you’re forced to suffer in silence and the grieving comes with guilt, what-ifs and self-blaming. I think there are so many people all around us mourning the loss of a dream. Be it big or be it small, it really doesn’t matter as long as it really mattered to you. The fact that what you expected didn’t come true can be very hard to deal with and it requires a mourning process. It can be anything from a broken heart, disease, cancelled plans, a failed career, a child birth that didn’t turn out as expected, well, you name it. Where I sit it’s not much talked about. Then mourning process could isolate you. I know it has done that to me at times.

When I wrote “A Rock For A Heart” I was deep in grief. My first cat, Sidharta, with whom I had such a special connection, died in cancer long before his time. And as if that wasn’t bad enough, I had to make the decision to put him to sleep. “A Rock For A Heart” was born. A friend of mine said that there is a field in Heaven for the spirit animals where they wait for their masters. I envisioned it now and then as a comfort.

It’s been six years now and so much has happened. I have lost dreams, some really big ones, mourned them and moved on. But I’ve also been blessed in many ways. I try to remember that. Therefore as the years have gone by the lyrics of “A Rock For A Heart” has come to mean a lot more to me. In it’s essence it is about grieving and it is about making the difficult decisions in life. Somehow the tough grown-up part of life and of being the responsible.

bench of thoughts

Trevlig afton med musik

Nyligen hemkommen från en trevlig afton på Café Jernvägen i Sala. Vi lyssnade på Gustav Lans och Joel Berg som under trekvart framförde visor och några pop-låtar, arrangören beskriver det som duons favoritlåtar. Mycket bra framfört och uppskattat av publiken. Det måste kännas skönt att ha ett par visor som man spontant kan plocka fram och bjuda på.

För inte allt för länge sedan brukade jag och Gustav träffas i hans lägenhet och jamma med gitarrerna och lyssna på vinyl. Han var faktiskt med och la bas på vår låt “Heavy Or Light” som finns på Enchanted Duo’s Divine Collection. Det är längre sedan jag hade något att göra musikaliskt med Joel. Oftast var han killen i det andra bandet, antagligen för att våra musikstilar på den tiden inte riktigt klickade.

Mer att lyssna på finns på Joels Soundcloud.
Gustav och Joel spelar sina favoritlåtar

Petrichor – Video Installation Week (7/7)

I like hiking and we have some nice grounds with forest near the house. These shots are from that area, or rather the outskirts. The not so nice parts, but there’s something a little apocalyptic about it that goes well with the music. The music is new, an embryo called “Come Petrichor” that I’ve just gotten started with. We’ll see if it will be finished and released someday. In any case I just think the pictures show petrichor in an intriguing way.

Come petrichor

the color of my blood

the aching bleeding scars

wet soil soothes the heart.

Come petrichor

fresh roots tear their way

through the cleansing dark

from my buried past.

This is also the last of our video installations for now. We hope you have enjoyed this slightly unusual (for us anyway) project. There’s been pieces of the past, there’s been poetic moments, some humor, art and music from both the past and the future.

Autumn – Video Installation Week (5/7)

This video is a blend of a wonderful snapshot I got in 2010 when we enjoyed a particularly beautiful autumn in Sweden and an unpublished song from the archive called “All I Earn Is Madness”. The lyrics are about the games people play and how fooled you are in the beginning before you learn the rules (well, you might still be fooled, but you’d recognize it sooner with experience). The song as a whole turned out a bit dull for my taste, but the chorus is nice and jazzy.

In all it’s seriousness and thoughtfullness this video also has some crazy sense of humor. I wonder if anyone will notice.

Mermaid – Video Installation Week (4/7)

Shooting a body of water from the boat almost certainly comes out well. The variety of the water and the speed of the boat makes every clip interesting. We have a lot of them! When choosing which one to make an installation out of, a fork of the river in Borneo along with the song Mermaid became our choice.

Alone – Video Installation Week (3/7)

This contribution, called “Alone” in English, is filmed, edited and produced by Linn Rydahl. The music is from one of my songs: “Unguarded”. The song has never been officially released, not sure why. Maybe someday.

This video is more of a short film and I’m proud to have it featured in our video installation week.

Bat Circling Me – Video Installation Week (2/7)

When you’re out on a expedition or safariing you often have expectations of what animals you’re going to see. The most sought-afters or just the unexpected. Common for those perfect moments are that they seam to appear out of nowhere, like this bat did when entering a grove in the Borneo mountains.

It’s hard not to love bats (especially when knowing they eat one bucket mosquitoes each every night). If you want someone to tell you that he/she loves you or just chill down, here’s a bonus clip.

Rain Drops – Video Installation Week (1/7)

To try new things is how you grow, but it’s also how you discover new ways and things you didn’t know you would like doing. This week Enchanted Duo is trying out video installations. Well, we’ve already tried, but this week we will publish them for you to see. I was surprised to find that I really liked making them. And I could possibly make some more when I feel for it. It feels freer than making a music video. Here our music is merely an inspiration and a part of a whole.

Starting out is a video clip we caught last summer during some heavy rains. It’s the rain drops falling from the roof. The music is a glimpse of our next song “A Rock For A Heart”.

When the magic of music almost died

I’ve always had high expectations of myself. I might even say too high. Music has been a struggle from the beginning. It’s difficult to say when I reached a state of personal acceptance and it suddenly felt okay to say that I make music in my spare time (without an adrenaline rush or a blush). That is how it was for a very long time. Not that I was ashamed, but afraid I wasn’t good enough. Ergo not worthy to be titled composer, singer/songwriter or producer. It makes me sad to think about, but I’m afraid that was what nearly drove me off the edge. I struggled so hard with the first album, then with the draft for a second and went to India and when I came home I headed straight into a depression. I wasn’t aware of it, I just felt so tired and everything fun about music had been drained from me. I couldn’t even think about music. This is what stress does to people. I was in my early twenties and completely clueless about how close to the wall I had gotten.

I have come back or should I say, music has come back, but in a different form. The thing is that when you push yourself that hard you also damage things around you. For me it means it’s difficult to even contemplate making a new full-lengt album. It makes me sick and nauseous just to think of it. Nowadays with the digital music era we do one-song-at-the-time-releases and that works fine. Also, I can’t sit in front of the computer mixing for long durations without being struck by anxiety. Mostly that means that Nicko does the mixing and I give my input. These are just two things I can think of at the moment. It’s been 10 years and it’s still hard, but I’ve learnt to listen. Making music and especially recording takes a lot of energy. When energy runs low it’s time to take a break.

So, lessons learnt, listen to yourself and your body. If the body is screaming to relax and take it easy, then you should relax and take it easy. Pushing yourself further will have consequences you may not be prepared to deal with. I kind of wish I had known myself better back then. This will also work, but it’s a lot harder. Not in the sense listening to myself, but to work my way passed and around the scars from what I did to myself. I love music and I really want it to be a part of me. It frightens me to think how close I came to losing it.2015-06-30 22.32.15