Again, it’s time to break
There will always be challenging times, fear and anger can so easily drag us back into separation and our actions become from ‘lack of love’.
Pain can seem so very real at times, but I bet if you compare this setback to the last you’ll find that you’re much quicker finding your footing again. And it’s a lot easier to remember who you really are.
Here’s a reminder from Evanescere:
Again, it’s time to break
I’m lying down. I can’t feel my heart. The moments that I can it hurts beyond what I’m able to express in words. The silence and my tears reveal me. The energy around me gives me away.
The moon is hovering close tonight. The meadow surrounding me is bustling with activity. Impossible to account for how many they are, but they are singing gently, like prayers. Words of ancient magic, protection and healing. I’m lying in a bed of sorts, unable to move my limbs, just frozen and numb. The women are gathering herbs and chanting. They’ve arranged themselves into smaller groups and they approach me group by group – lovingly placing the herbs on my chest and caressingly chanting their prayers.
I sigh deeply, my breathing rasping, uneven and shallow. My heart has closed. My flower has closed. Everything is closed. I’m broken inside my own prison. I gaze at the moon hoping to see something new, a tiny little sign, just something… something. An indication that I’m not stupid – that somehow there’s a reason for all this.
Suddenly I realise I haven’t lost my soul this time. I’m still in this hurting shell. Feeling kind of stuck this time, as though I wouldn’t be let out even if I tried to go. Despite my pain it feels decently spacious and I have a sense of belonging. No desire to be somewhere else. My roots are running deep into the forest soil and into the fire of the Earth, burning, as she does. I’ve never been this grounded before. I’ve never been this connected before. Earth has kept me in her embrace while I was flying. Her fiery passion has kept mine burning under control. It is difficult to be ungrateful – I have gained so much. I’m sad that it stops here. I wanted to discover more. I’m quite convinced there is more. But when it backlashed everything stopped and I closed. What scares me most is that all my fiery energy is gone, my drive and my passion, my happiness and my creativity.
Perhaps I imagined I had finally found myself under this wrapping, but it was yet another painful lesson. I’m really close now. When I break free from this fiery cocoon I’ll be the butterfly. I’ll have to wait for my wings to dry and then – then I will fly.
It’s just, if this wasn’t me either, what is? What’s left? Fixating the moon with my tired eyes, I move it in and out of focus until I fall asleep. The women keep busy gathering and singing. Their voices are holding me and my pain.
With love,
Anneli