Evanescere

She’s soft, loving and warm

She’s soft, loving and warm

I’m poking her with my pointing finger.
She’s soft, loving and warm.

I’m resisting, not sure what I’m giving up.
She’s patient, waiting and ready.

I could say “now” and we could become one.
But I’m hovering just over the threshold.

It looks stupid, I feel stupid too.

I’m poking her some more.
She’s soft, loving and warm.

I’m tempted to be her, but I don’t know how.
Tempted to lose myself in her and leave all that used to be.
She’s patient, waiting and ready.

I’m poking her one last time.
She’s soft, loving and warm.

From Evanescere.

With love,
Anneli

Evanescere_paperback_w

“Passion cannot be conditioned.”

Evanescere, paperback version, is a collection of transcendental poetry, short stories, art and music erases the borders between the real and the fantastic.

‘I am’ meets folklore, passion and existance, and our relationship with nature in this adventure searching for the true self. Who am I? And who are you? How do we progress? How do we heal wounds?

Don’t be surprised if you suddenly find yourself in another world. Give yourself some time to escape and re-charge – to become who you were meant to be all along. 

_________________________

“You heal and inspire me every time I listen to your album. I’m listening every time I drive. Before Christmas I listened for four hours non-stop. What you’ve done is magical. Love it. Your voices together. The music. There’s so much power and so many dimensions. Thank you for doing this.”

– Christine Zema Jelvemo (About Evancescere)

_________________________

Do you wish to explore your own divine feminine and masculine? Or just dive into poetry and passages that inspire and helps you find new viewpoints in yourself? Well, this is Evanescere is for you. Music, spoken word, art, poetry and passages (and some folklore roots…).

Shop this book now

Or get Evanescere on Amazon.

Unwrapping the self

Unwrapping the self

I was staring at my reflection in a long mirror. I was huge when I started out. I had no idea there were that many layers. This wrapping was an undefined shade of teal and turquoise. I was pondering the lessons of this one. Perhaps it has something to do with the throat? To stand up for myself and to say what I want. And love? Well, everything is always to do with love. Greet it with love, hold it with love. Love. Loving myself.

The paper had a glossy kind of glow in the lamp light. I fingered it reluctantly, hesitantly. Where would I pierce it? What would happen if I did? It felt cold and warm all at the same time. No perfume yet. I could feel my palms sweating, just a little, almost unnoticeably. But there was more friction as I slipped my hand over the wrapping paper covering my belly and my chest. I was moving carefully as my arms were wrapped too. Only fingers, face and hair were fully visible. I suppose it must mean something, or perhaps not. This wrapping is an illusion of sorts, but the power of visualisation should not be underestimated. Unwrapping, even if it’s an illusion, has just as much power. I took another deep breath, collecting myself.

“Here we go again,” I thought. “Here we go again.”

With my index finger I gently pierced the paper below my left breast – and the paper made a little startled noise, as if it had not thought me courageous enough. /…/

From Evanescere.

With love,
Anneli

Evanescere_paperback_w

“Passion cannot be conditioned.”

Evanescere, paperback version, is a collection of transcendental poetry, short stories, art and music erases the borders between the real and the fantastic.

‘I am’ meets folklore, passion and existance, and our relationship with nature in this adventure searching for the true self. Who am I? And who are you? How do we progress? How do we heal wounds?

Don’t be surprised if you suddenly find yourself in another world. Give yourself some time to escape and re-charge – to become who you were meant to be all along. 

_________________________

“You heal and inspire me every time I listen to your album. I’m listening every time I drive. Before Christmas I listened for four hours non-stop. What you’ve done is magical. Love it. Your voices together. The music. There’s so much power and so many dimensions. Thank you for doing this.”

– Christine Zema Jelvemo (About Evancescere)

_________________________

Do you wish to explore your own divine feminine and masculine? Or just dive into poetry and passages that inspire and helps you find new viewpoints in yourself? Well, this is Evanescere is for you. Music, spoken word, art, poetry and passages (and some folklore roots…).

Shop this book now

Or get Evanescere on Amazon.

In pursuit of passion

In pursuit of passion

This passage is from Evanescere, and it’s one of my favourites. Let’s heal the divine feminine in all of us together. Let tomorrow be filled with mutual respect, care and consciousness. Let light reach, and correct, where darkness has dwelled. Let tomorrow be a beautiful day.

In pursuit of passion

“Child?” said Earth. She’s caring like that. Doesn’t want her children to suffer.

“Yes,” I replied, not wanting to keep her waiting. I had sought her unconsciously. Not asking my inner turmoil to call out to her, but somehow it did. “I’m so scared,” I told her. “I don’t know what to do with this. Part of me enjoys it, but most of me is lost and frightened.”

“Passion is the one part of you yet to be awakened,” Earth said. “It doesn’t happen without pain. You have deep wounds to heal.”

“What was unconsciously done, can be consciously undone,” I replied. I had read that, while trying to understand the circle of energy. The energy of passion.

“Yes,” Earth confirmed. “Then change to heal and explore the shadows of your core.”

“It’s very dark there. Like a cold cave. I hear voices – sad, wounded voices – echoing there. It’s not a place I’d like to go.” My voice was just a whisper.

“And that is why, my child, you have to go there. While that cave remains a place of darkness and sadness you cannot embrace your full potential. The full power of passion.” Earth was determined, but not reproachful.

“I will,” I said. Tears clouded my eyes as I turned inward, seeking that cold cave and its captives. That mixed pain and sadness belonging to the female collective consciousness, the last barrier to truly embracing divine femininity and passion. Those sighing, tearful, lamenting voices. A lifetime of suppression, sacrifice and silent anger that no-one had ever seen. (A frozen anger, an anger that turns its victims into empty shells.) I stood, silent before them, wondering what to say. They were lining up before me.

Then I noticed a peacock by my side.

“Be proud of who you are,” said the peacock. “Let them see your pride. Shine with that pride.” I was collecting my breath.

“I greet you,” I said. “I see you. I feel you.” I was about to say I am you, but stopped myself. Instead I said: “I was you.”

I felt something shifting inside. Strings were snapping. Bonds were breaking. The lined women were looking at me curiously.

“I’m Heartache,” said the first woman. And then the other women followed her and murmured their names to me as well.

“Silence, Anger, Submission, Lost, Dependence, Hurt, Broken, Misunderstood, Abused, Lonely…,” and there were more. They were so many. I couldn’t see the end of the line. But the murmur of their voices continued and spread ghostly whispers throughout the cave.

“Enough,” I said. “Enough! These are not your names. Not even part of who you are. These are only lessons. It is time to heal. Let what was unconsciously done be consciously undone.”

The cave was changing now. The darkness was fading, the walls turned soft and delicately pink. The voices had changed from woeful to surprised and then erupted in gleeful laughter. The figures were no longer still but dancing. It was such a relief. I was panting. All that darkness flowing like a river down my legs, through my feet, out along my roots, to be transformed by Mother Earth herself.

“We’re ready to try again,” I said, more to myself than anyone else.

“I am too,” he said where he stood at the entrance. The women stopped for a moment and then greeted him. Welcomed him. I reached out to him. Locking my eyes on his.

“See what you can do when you believe,” said the peacock next to me, with a feathered display. He waved his tail like a fan. Then he left.

This passage is from Evanesere, and one of my favourites. Let’s heal the divine feminine together.

“I’ve missed you so much,” he said. He was so close now.

“And I you,” I replied. He held me. When I opened my eyes, a brilliant light was blinding us. I could no longer see the women, but I heard their anticipation. A huge flower was about to unfold her petals. Slowly, slowly.

With love,
Anneli

P.S. You can get Evanescere on Amazon or in our shop.

Again, it’s time to break

Again, it’s time to break

There will always be challenging times, fear and anger can so easily drag us back into separation and our actions become from ‘lack of love’. 

Pain can seem so very real at times, but I bet if you compare this setback to the last you’ll find that you’re much quicker finding your footing again. And it’s a lot easier to remember who you really are. 

Here’s a reminder from Evanescere:

Again, it’s time to break

I’m lying down. I can’t feel my heart. The moments that I can it hurts beyond what I’m able to express in words. The silence and my tears reveal me. The energy around me gives me away.

The moon is hovering close tonight. The meadow surrounding me is bustling with activity. Impossible to account for how many they are, but they are singing gently, like prayers. Words of ancient magic, protection and healing. I’m lying in a bed of sorts, unable to move my limbs, just frozen and numb. The women are gathering herbs and chanting. They’ve arranged themselves into smaller groups and they approach me group by group – lovingly placing the herbs on my chest and caressingly chanting their prayers.

I sigh deeply, my breathing rasping, uneven and shallow. My heart has closed. My flower has closed. Everything is closed. I’m broken inside my own prison. I gaze at the moon hoping to see something new, a tiny little sign, just something… something. An indication that I’m not stupid – that somehow there’s a reason for all this.

Suddenly I realise I haven’t lost my soul this time. I’m still in this hurting shell. Feeling kind of stuck this time, as though I wouldn’t be let out even if I tried to go. Despite my pain it feels decently spacious and I have a sense of belonging. No desire to be somewhere else. My roots are running deep into the forest soil and into the fire of the Earth, burning, as she does. I’ve never been this grounded before. I’ve never been this connected before. Earth has kept me in her embrace while I was flying. Her fiery passion has kept mine burning under control. It is difficult to be ungrateful – I have gained so much. I’m sad that it stops here. I wanted to discover more. I’m quite convinced there is more. But when it backlashed everything stopped and I closed. What scares me most is that all my fiery energy is gone, my drive and my passion, my happiness and my creativity.

Perhaps I imagined I had finally found myself under this wrapping, but it was yet another painful lesson. I’m really close now. When I break free from this fiery cocoon I’ll be the butterfly. I’ll have to wait for my wings to dry and then – then I will fly.

It’s just, if this wasn’t me either, what is? What’s left? Fixating the moon with my tired eyes, I move it in and out of focus until I fall asleep. The women keep busy gathering and singing. Their voices are holding me and my pain.

With love,
Anneli

P.S. You can find Evanescere in our shop and on Amazon.